You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
