I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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