Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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