If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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