i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
