I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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