I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
