I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize