In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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