Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think my mom watched the whole time
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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