just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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