Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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