do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this hospital has no fireball
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
