It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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