I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
