Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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