so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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