One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
