pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
