"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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