I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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