also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
