i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
