so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
