It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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