Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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