Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
