He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
