ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
