Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
