She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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