alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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