I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I checked into jail on foursquare
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
