Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
