He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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