I need help removing her.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
