he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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