Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
