saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Use "feeling words"
Yay
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
