You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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