Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
