I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
