he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
