I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
