can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
