There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
