Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
