I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
