i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have aggressive nipples.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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