oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your dad touched me again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
