I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
