also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
