we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
