i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
