I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
