Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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