I just pynch a tree in the face
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
