wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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