the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
