My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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