first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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