I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
