Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
