can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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