I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm both gender and math confused
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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