I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no, he came in my armpit
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
