I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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