I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
