i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
