worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
