Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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