We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
