he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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